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I have taken the liberty to pick up these from various resources, both in media and print. A big thank you to all the people who generously contributed.

Just remember. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I always knew it wouldn't work between me and my ex-flame. I am a Sagittarian and he is a slime ball.
When in doubt, mumble.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

And the piece de resistance.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Why poetry is my bete noire

i abhor poetry. no offense meant to poets, budding poets et al. i have tried my paws at poetry several times and failed miserably. poetry/ poem eludes me. i enjoyed it when i was in high school (not long back) and now and again tried to make sentences rhyme but alas. i envy people who can write poems and do all those wonderful stuff' but i cannot 'cause i'm a complete pig head. back when i was a kid in Loreto in Calcutta, my grandpa said some kind words to me about a callow Christmas poem that i had penned (or penciled), because he couldn't hurt a fly and i began to fancy myself as the incarnation of John Keats. grandpa, swept over by my over zealous attempts at poetry, promised that he'll get them published in the kids' section of some renowned newspapers. he had in fact sent my poem over to be published, but i guess the poor guys at the newspaper office had almost choked on the hogwash i had sent them. i never gave up my hopes though, scanning the newspapers for my poem for days & months on an end, i finally gave up hope. but i think i had gone around telling people that my poem had actually been published just that i didn't happen to own the day's newspaper edition.

Ulysses (or how do you spell it?) was my nemesis. though i still happen to quote it once in a while.. that poem got me off completely. its an amazing piece by Tennyson but i never happened to appreciate it much. finally i gave up on my pursuit and the other day (well day before yesterday) happened to gag on an ugly git's poetry. i think we are finally over, me and poetry. so long