Being a Bong!

Stuff that Bong aunties say that piss the hell out of me...

1. Omaa, eki koto boro hoye gechish? (yes, i know its incredible, i was supposed to be on a shrink potion).

2. Ki mishti hoyeche go, promptly followed by yanking of your cheeks. (am sorry am not ugly).

3. Meyeke/Chheleke shaamlao, akdom bokhe galo. (yes i gallivant and have porn sites bookmarked in my browser).

4.Meyer/Chheler biye dao ebar, boyesh to hole. (why don't you get married and do us a favor?).

5. Amaader shomoye eshob hoto na baba. (we know you are a dinosaur).

6. Mathae bhalo kore tel lagao, bhalo chul hobe. (i get this pretty often).

7. Amake chinte parchho? (Mumbling and a vapid smile helps).

8. Amar chhele/meye ato porashonae bhalo je class er miss oke khub bhalo bashe. (how comforting to know that there are folks out there who like your dork).

9. Accha oi naach/gaan ta korte parbe tumi? (hello!)

10. Just when you have stuffed your 2nd fish cutlet into your mouth at a bong biye/mukhebhaat/feast/et al, aunty pounces and exclaims ; "bhalo kore khaccho to, lojja peo na akdom." (does it even look like am embarrassed to ask for 2nd helpings?).

Okay... that was all I had in my repertoire, feel free to add if you think i missed out on any.

my stint with the therapist

shortly after my much publicized (amongst people who knew me) ugly break-up with my erstwhile beau, my dad thought that a couple of sessions of psychotherapy would do me good. i couldn't have been happier cause i had always fancied therapists, male species of course, the dark brooding types. plus i urgently needed a boyfriend then. so there you go. anyway all my hopes were doused when i met my therapist for the first time. he was on the wrong side of 50, (i was 18 then), kind, and compassionate. i mostly cried through my first session, through the next couple of sessions i was unusually cheerful even by my standards. then he told me that i am done with my therapy and i am good to go. i grabbed two candies from a bowl on his desk, politely thanked him and left with my dad.


post script: my dad some 4 years later told me about the discussions he had had with my therapist. my therapist thought that i had certain traits and pointers indicating schizophrenia and mild anti-social disorder. duh! 

quote unquote

I have taken the liberty to pick up these from various resources, both in media and print. A big thank you to all the people who generously contributed.

Just remember. If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.
Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
I always knew it wouldn't work between me and my ex-flame. I am a Sagittarian and he is a slime ball.
When in doubt, mumble.
Some people say "If you can't beat them, join them". I say "If you can't beat them, beat them", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.
Laugh at your problems, everybody else does.
He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

And the piece de resistance.
If God is watching us, the least we can do is be entertaining.

Why poetry is my bete noire

i abhor poetry. no offense meant to poets, budding poets et al. i have tried my paws at poetry several times and failed miserably. poetry/ poem eludes me. i enjoyed it when i was in high school (not long back) and now and again tried to make sentences rhyme but alas. i envy people who can write poems and do all those wonderful stuff' but i cannot 'cause i'm a complete pig head. back when i was a kid in Loreto in Calcutta, my grandpa said some kind words to me about a callow Christmas poem that i had penned (or penciled), because he couldn't hurt a fly and i began to fancy myself as the incarnation of John Keats. grandpa, swept over by my over zealous attempts at poetry, promised that he'll get them published in the kids' section of some renowned newspapers. he had in fact sent my poem over to be published, but i guess the poor guys at the newspaper office had almost choked on the hogwash i had sent them. i never gave up my hopes though, scanning the newspapers for my poem for days & months on an end, i finally gave up hope. but i think i had gone around telling people that my poem had actually been published just that i didn't happen to own the day's newspaper edition.

Ulysses (or how do you spell it?) was my nemesis. though i still happen to quote it once in a while.. that poem got me off completely. its an amazing piece by Tennyson but i never happened to appreciate it much. finally i gave up on my pursuit and the other day (well day before yesterday) happened to gag on an ugly git's poetry. i think we are finally over, me and poetry. so long

an ode to fashion faux pas

ahh isnt it precious? our tinsel town ladies are finally getting it right....on how to get it wrong. 'tis is a sin my comrades,to be an icon and dress in what looks like satin bed sheets or the new age uniform- white shirt and blue jeans. and lets not begin with the stars, starlets,et al who don almost their entire cupboard for an awards evening. ladies please take a leaf out of rekha's book. (on second thoughts,dont..have seen enough of her kanjeevarams and heavy gold jewellery). the petite amrita rao never, almost never, seems to get it right.till i caught her on tv yesterday...she was all smiles at the maxim event..looking lovely in a black dress and hair in a pony tail.pity i didnt get to see the length of her dress(hope its not the 'on the fence type'...for amrita's own good!). i like priyanka chopra's sartorial sense but she can strive to get out of her forever girly impy skimpy style and try something different. and who else? oh yes... the usual crop who get it right most of the times or are generally meh...preity zinta,deepika padukone,kareena kapoor,lara dutta,bipasha basu,katrina kaif,dia mirza...list is not exhaustive. malaika arora khan likes her sexy skimpy dresses so much that she goes to the grocers' in them...! and oh...darling rani mukherjee... she's so loyal to her sabyasachi ensembles...that i'll save my breath. genelia d'souza seems to be warped in her 'jaane tu..' days... all those cutesy pinks look good on baby girls,dear. someone..yes you reading my blog...give her a call and tell her to get a stylist(who doesnt do pinks and butterfly side clips)...she can be reached at 1800-11-genelia's ghastly pinks-00,call,yes you can call tomorrow. well rakhi sawant sticks to her drama queen persona and never really been the epitome of haute couture...so i'll let her be...almost non existent. and riituparna sengupta...!!! who's her stylist by the way?? she usually looks like a cheap b grade movie side show...what with those dresses that were in fashion eons back and tons of face-paint? now the ladies who aint in the thick of action...well not so much. i like karisma kapoor..but me thinks she does her blue jeans black top designer bag a wee too much...c'mon girl...you can do better. and kajol... in her matronly dresses...hopefully she'll go shopping soon...now that i heard she's lost weight. speaking of disasters...theirs a certain ms. vidya balan who started a trend with 'parineeta' with her puff sleeved blouses...and then came the real shocker...a lamp shade orange salwar at the filmfare awards...prior to that were her 'hey y baby y' dresses that looked so ghastly that i wanted one for halloween.! she likes passing the buck,she does....always to the designer..... and there was once this gusty and confident ms. universe who knew how to dress....now she likes her ugly leopard prints best. ladies...please take cue from twinkle khanna...she looks gorgeous...suzanne roshan is okay...but gauri khan needs a good day at home...to think. oh so short dresses,hot pink lips and glittery forehead...whats with them dear? this new kid...sonam kapoor...she's got what it takes... beats them all hands down. she's on a roll. now the bachchan bahu....she had her cannes faux pas...and got the brickbats....now she looks amazing...only sometimes mind you. and apni mallika sherawat? backless,looong slits....a wardrobe malfuntion thrown in and voila'....... the rest of the people u see usually share dresses,shoes and accessories with each other...so they all look almost the same...almost all the time. once in a while that they get a 'meaningful' role in a movie,they grab their signing amount cheques close to their bosom and go shopping...yayyy! so our eyes are saved..... rest of the times they look fugly...yes thats the word m'dears. am mighty tired now...with all this....so would take your leave..next i would probably take on the bolly boys...unless i change my mind. meanwhile if you have any clarifications,suggestions,compliments(ahh am blushing!),criticisms(this is my first post people...dont scald me with your caustic comments pahleez...) feel free to shoot away... till then take care.... cheers!